The San Francisco Twins

A couple of weeks ago I was having dinner with some friends in San Francisco. As we were being led to our table, one of my friends let out a muffled groan and I noticed, sitting at a table diagonally across from us were the famous San Francisco Twins. Well, I guess they're kind of famous considering I found an entry about them on Wikipedia after I Googled them. I had seen them around Union Square a couple of times before, talking to tourists and smiling while a half-dozen work-a-day types snapped photos of them with their camera phones. And come to think of it, I'd seen them waving to passers by from the window of the very restaurant we were sitting in now.

Being fairly new to San Francisco I thought they were pretty cute, little whimsical gnomes in their faux leopard coats and matching hats, their dress suits all a-twinkle with sequins. After we got settled at our table, my attention kept being pulled in their direction, mainly because the two lady gnomes were talking pretty loudly to the captive audience closely surrounding them, the restaurant being fairly small. A few moments of observation made me realize all the diners within close proximity were polarized into a few distinct camps---those who had innocently and unwittingly entered into conversation with the lady gnomes and were now enmeshed; those who had been reluctantly drawn in and were now almost futilely trying to withdraw; and those (my group was of this last) who had managed to escape by avoiding direct eye contact and by eating their food as rapidly and purposefully as possible.

But the main item that kept drawing my attention back to them was the carafe of wine on their table which was a constant cause of bickering between them. It was obvious they'd each had a glass or two already and now the question seemed to be---who was going to finish the last of the cheap jug wine? At one point, one of the lady gnomes grabbed the carafe and poured most of what was left into her own glass. I say most, because much of it she poured out all over the table which caused the other lady gnome to scold her. Some elbowing and arm wrestling followed which we thought might develop into an actual physical fight. It was like watching that scene in Clash of the Titans where the three Stygian Witches are fighting over the glass eye so they can each get a glimpse at Perseus. I thought for sure that carafe of wine was going to go flying. But the lady gnomes managed to work it out somehow without it coming to that.

Afterwards I was telling some other friends about this encounter with the Twins and somebody exclaimed, "I thought one of them had died?!!" Maybe so. But it would be difficult to tell which one, exactly.